Richard T

My Dad my Popsacle died unexpectedly and suddenly in March 04.
I'm the oldest of 4 his children.
Life from then on has not and will not ever be the same again. A part of me died the day he did.
My Dad was not conventional or ordinary, he stood out from the crowd with his long black hair in a pony tail and a beard, he was like a modern hippy and proud of it.
His eyes were lovely, full of warmth and love, and always seem to sparkle. My Dad was a sensitive man, he had an unusal ability to listen, really listen, he understood us. He was such a loving person, always ready with cuddles and telling us how much we meant to him.
My Dad had only just had a baby boy with his partner when he Died and he has since gone in care as his partner at the time couldn't cope, she had a breakdown.

My Dad was the light of my life and he could always make me smile, with him around everything was always alright, without me saying a word he knew if there was something wrong and would do anything to fix it.

I find it hard to put into words how much my Dad meant to me, I'm sure I'm not but i often feel like I'm the only person in the world to have loved their Dad as much as I did.
My Dad loved his family very much and his whole life was devoted to us, he never wanted for anything other than us to be happy.

His passion for motorbikes, dogs and music, artists such as pink floyd, moody blues, Jeff Healey were always a part of his life.
He was a good singer and really good on his guitar.
My Pop was as they say a "jack of all trades", he was a very talented man who could turn his hand to anything, whether is be cars, electrics, plumbing or carpentry, he mastered it all.

I try very hard to get on with life and bury how hurt i am, mostly i am happy person but losing my dad has left a huge void in my life that will never be replaced.
One of the hardest things i find is now that time has passed people think I'm fine, with a smile and my sense of humour, they think that i don't need to talk about him.
I write poems to express how i feel. Here's a few -

"ONE MORE DAY"

Our hearts are bleeding without you,
As you made so many dreams come true,
The years go by so quickly,
and now so slow without you.
We shall never say goodbye,
to us you did not die,
you are all around us,
by our side, in the air,
In the soft blowing breeze and sky,
Guiding us in what we do,
Keeping the wolves at bay.
You made us strong, its how we will go on.
We shall smile when we think of you.
So many things left to ask,
so many questions left astray,
so empty are our lives without your smile.
To be taken from us is so cruel,
If only we could have one more day.



"CRUEL REALITY"

Cradled in your arms as a child i lay,
to return back in time,
i wish i could stay.
My heart is broken,
never to be repaired,
until i hold you close,
i shall not be spared.
Now the cruel reality of life comes through,
never to understand why they'd take you.



"3 MONTHS ON"

The dust has settled,
life goes on they say,
it will get better everyday.
Keep that chin up,
don't give up,
and the pain will fade away.
They don't know, nobody does,
the pain is here and now not "was"
the change is, another day, another lie
pretending on a high,
sometimes wishing i could die,
just not ready yet to say goodbye.



"DENIAL"


So this is my life,
there is now no meaning,
here i am,
they say seeing is believing.
I do not, i will not ever believe
for me it is not real,
all these feeling, how do i cope,
frustration, agony, anger and complete devastation.
The guilt, the pain,
i cant even mention his name,
i know i need someone to blame.
I miss him, i need him,
i need his voice i need his smile,
living this life full of denial.
It couldn't, it can be true,
for my everything, my hero my guide was you,
please somebody tell me its not true.



Hope your resting peacefully..
Miss you and love you so much popsacle.
Dee.xxxx